We often talk about managing your workload and maintaining a healthy work-life balance. But what happens when you feel like you can’t say no? Whether you’re trying to balance being a student and having a job, your work and hobbies, or your social life, it’s likely that you’re saying yes too much. By learning how to say no to people, you’re not only giving yourself a break, but you’re also developing your personal skills.
According to the National Library of Medicine, as humans, neurologically it’s more pleasing to say yes. It’s a reassuring and comforting word with a positive association embedded in us. Sometimes it feels easier to just say yes to everything, until you have to deal with the consequences later; until it means compromising your resources or boundaries. People who struggle to say no are often lumped into the “people pleaser” category, and while sometimes that is true, it could also be a sense of self-preservation. In a professional setting, saying no to things can sometimes make you seem rude or lazy, so it’s important to make sure that when you’re saying no, you’re doing so in a way that aligns with your values and goals.
But before you go around saying no to every opportunity, there’s a right way to go about it. It starts with asking yourself some questions:
- “Does this align with my professional goals”
- “Is this something that could benefit my career later on?”
- “Do I have the resources for this right now? Or will I in x amount of time?”
- “Is this specific to me and my skillset? Could I recommend someone else for this task?”
If you’re saying yes to more than two of these, you might want to reconsider saying no. But if you’re saying no, it might be time to start crafting your decline. By saying no in situations that don’t fit with your personal/professional goals or because you don’t have the time or resources, you shouldn’t feel like a failure, and at first you might. You might have feelings like you’re letting your team down or aren’t pulling enough weight, but eventually you’ll realize that instead of over-committing and underdelivering, you’re likely just giving someone else an opportunity to say yes.
Here are a few tips to practice when you know you need to say no to a situation or opportunity:
- Be Clear & Direct: Short, polite responses (“I can’t commit right now”).
- The Sandwich Method: Positive → No → Positive.
- I-Statements: “I don’t have the capacity to take this on.”
- Practice Scripts: Write or rehearse go-to phrases.
- Use Your Calendar: Really look at your available time and be deliberate
While most of the time it’s appropriate to say “no, thank you” or “not right now, but maybe in the future,” don’t forget that “no” is also a complete sentence and sometimes necessary to establish healthy boundaries. So, this week, take a look at your schedule. Do you feel overwhelmed with the number of events you have scheduled? What’s one thing you could take off that list that fits your “no” criteria?
